Tag friendship

My greatest life lesson is to pick the right friends

Adam 3 Comments

I am now 38 years old, and I have been recently asking myself why I ended up in life where I ended up: living in my parents’ basement and working as a clerk at a gas station.

It is because I picked friends not because we had things in common, or because they showed me they could be trusted or had my best interest at heart.

I picked friends because I thought they were cool. I thought if I hung around cool people, I would become cool.

That was the beginning of my demise, because my former best friend turned out to be the biggest liar and manipulator.

When picking your friends, make sure they are good people, because if you show me your friends, I will show you your future.

My story about being backstabbed

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Growing up, I didn’t have very supportive parents, so I depended on my friends for support. I had friends who came and went, but there was one friend who stuck around—or so I thought.

He was the kind of guy I loved being around. We did everything together, from hiking to going on trips. I guess it was somewhat my fault because I depended on him too much. I truly thought we were like brothers.

Still, there was always something off that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. For example, why would he come to me for advice, but when I went to him, he’d always say, “It’s your life. It’s up to you how you live it.”

When I was younger, I didn’t think much of it, but as I got older, I realized I hadn’t made all the right choices. That’s when it hit me—not only did he never give me advice, but he actively sabotaged my life to make himself feel better about his. For instance, he’d tell me that girls didn’t like me, only for me to realize later that they did. Or he’d say, “I heard that’s not a good job,” when in reality, it was.

Looking back, I realized it wasn’t even a friendship. It was someone tearing down my life to boost their own, all while using me to help with theirs.

Be careful who you surround yourself with because you never truly know someone’s true intentions.

How to tell someone you don’t like them

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We all had somebody we didn’t like personally and professionally. But what happens when they don’t realize it? What is the best way to tell them? How do you get that person out of your life?

I discovered a way of communicating this message using Zen Buddhism philosophy. It requires the correct relationship, action, and situation. To get your point across with them understanding it and not getting their feelings hurt.

  1. Correct relationship
    For example, you can’t tell your college professor you don’t like them. Because it is unnecessary, your relationship doesn’t require you to like them. In your relationship, it is correct for you to learn from them; whether you tell them you like them or not doesn’t change anything. However, it would be best to communicate your feelings correctly when it’s a friend or a potential life partner.
  2. Correct action
    You wouldn’t tell some you don’t like them but leave them somewhere when you offered them a ride. The best way to tell someone is to say, ” Our personalities don’t mix,” or “You’re not my type.”
    However, the situation has to be correct.
  3. Correct situation
    You must tell them at the right time and location. It would be awkward if you told them at a party in front of many people. The best time and location is in private, face-to-face. Preferably not when they are not busy with work or upset about something else.

Sometimes, when you tell them at the proper relationship action and situation, you might still experience an outburst. It’s okay; some people aren’t mature enough, they expect everyone to like them. Just ignore it and move on.

Sometimes, telling people you don’t like them at your job is necessary. The three principles still apply. You might say something like let’s keep our relationship professional, or We wouldn’t get along on a personal level.

In certain relationships, it’s better not to say anything, for example, close family members or in-laws. You can avoid them and hope they get the hint after a while.

It’s never easy to tell someone you don’t like them, but sometimes it is required for your and their well-being. So be strong, and you must do it remember the three principles and apply them to minimize the possibility of hurt feelings.

Eight ways to make sure you are picking the right friends

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There are many ways to make sure you pick the right friends, and I wish I had known this sooner instead of being friends with anyone who came my way. Your friends have a lot of influence on how your life will turn out.

  1. Make sure you like them
    There are people you are friends with but you don’t like. It is a big waste of time for you and them. Life is short, so make sure you enjoy spending time together. It is as simple as that.
  2. Make sure you have similar views
    Political and religious beliefs are very important to most people. You might get Into arguments and disagreements if you have different beliefs. When you have similar views, it is more fun.
  3. They support your endeavors
    Support in your life is essential. You don’t want someone discouraging you right when you are about to try something new. You want someone who will support and cheer you on.
  4. They aren’t selfish
    Friends who only care about themselves are no fun. Make sure they also consider other people when making their decisions because they might not be there for you when you need them the most.
  5. They don’t judge you for being you
    You should feel comfortable around your friends and be who you are. They must like your personality’s good and bad aspects if your friendship will work.
  6. They tell you the truth
    A friend that sugarcoats everyone is no friend at all. When picking friends, make sure they tell you the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable. You don’t want them lying; it will hurt you later.
  7. They don’t take advantage of you
    If you are constantly bailing them out of trouble and paying for their meals, but they don’t reciprocate, then they aren’t friends. Friendship is a two-way street sea. It can go one way for a long time, but eventually, it should balance out.
  8. They don’t sabotage you
    Sometimes, some ill-hearted friends don’t mean well for you. And they will sabotage and destroy your life out of envy and jealousy. They will offer lousy advice and guidance. Be careful who you pick and get to know them

Another good way to ensure you have the right friend is to see how you feel after they leave. Do you feel happy, or do you feel drained of energy? If you feel drained, you shouldn’t spend time with them anymore.

Friendships could last a month or a lifetime. People change and grow apart all the time, and that is okay. As long as you enjoy the time together, a friendship shouldn’t be a prison sentence. If you start growing apart, talk to your friend about it and kindly move on.

How to stop being lonely

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I’m not an expert or a psychologist that studied loneliness, but I gained some insight into the subject. There were times in my life I felt alone, and there have been times when. I thought I had too much company.

I noticed that feeling lonely is a feeling more than it is a mindset in your life. Not being lonely could mean having one good friend that understands and knows how to cheer you up. It is knowing you are understood and someone cares about you.

The best way to stop feeling lonely is to stop thinking about how lonely you are. Find things to occupy yourself with, for example, bike riding or reading a good book.

If you want to make some friends try going to random events, you can find them in the newspaper or meetup.com, or join a gym.

Find people you want to be friends with and make the first move by introducing yourself and finding things you have in common. Keep the conversation light and casual. Then ask them if they would like to get together somewhere sometime.

The people with the most friends are not the happiest or the least lonely. You can have 200 calls daily, be in a room full of people, and still feel lonely. Find people you have things in common with and enjoy their company.

Don’t be afraid to ask for advice

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One thing I did good when I was young was seek out advice. Advice and being pointed in the right direction can tremendously help your life. It could make the difference between a good life and a life full of misery.

Good advice
Good advice can come from anywhere. It could be an article you read online from your bus driver, teacher, or mom. However, you must learn to check to see if the advice makes sense to you inside.

You can learn from other people’s mistakes and avoid the same pitfalls. Or learn from their realizations, insights, and experience, which will make the trip easier.

Bad advice
Like good advice can help you, bad advice can hurt you. I once listened to a friend. About money, and it screwed me up for a long time. Please read about it here. Some people want to help you, and others want to hurt you; however, they love sharing advice because it makes them feel important.

Check the source
For instance, people sometimes like to hear themselves talk. They will say anything, even if it makes no sense, and always think about the person’s reputation and also where they are in life.

Friends provide the best support, not the best advice.

Friends and family can even get jealous and try to sabotage your plan when you are seeking advice. Sometimes your relationships might split, and your friends or family may disagree with your actions. If it makes sense and feels right, then pursue them.

Conclusion
In conclusion, with the right help, you can make extraordinary progress in life, so don’t be afraid to seek wisdom or advice. But you have to get good at picking which advice to take and which not to take.
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The best way is to consider the long-term and the short-term benefits and disadvantages. Also, get as many sources as possible. Buy a book on Amazon on the subject. Read reviews, and post about the issue on a discussion forum. And as the adage goes, a 10,000-mile journey begins with a single step.

The biggest life lesson I learned

Adam 1 Comment

The biggest life lesson I learned

Sometime after high school, my friend told me I could spend all the money I wanted because I would make it back when I was older. It sounded odd, but I believed it and took it to heart.

That was a huge mistake. Here I am at 36 with nothing to show for all my work. I started working when I was 16, so I made at least $400,000 during that time. I spent my money on books I never read, memberships I never used, and clothes I never wore.

Looking back, If I had been wiser with my money, I would have been way better off financially and personally today. I should not have listened to my friend and invested my money. I would have had more leisure time at this age and more freedom to go and buy what I wanted at this age.

I didn’t care much for money; I thought it was something you get and spend. I never realized the power of investing money and how much it can make your life by having more money to spend in the long run.

When you are young big decisions like this, impact your future significantly, and when you are young, you are slow to think about the consequences.

What you should do when you are young is save your money and invest in a well-thought, well-researched business opportunity or, better yet, real estate property which is the safest investment a young person can make. I also wish I had sought out the advice of a financial advisor and listened to his advice.

I met someone that was 50. They had saved all their money since they were ten. They owned a 20-apartment complex and were financially secure and safe for life. Saving and investing for the long term is the correct answer to what you should do with your money when you are young.

When to Walk Away from a Friendship Without Feeling Guilty

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I had a so-called friend. Recently, I noticed I don’t enjoy being around them. We don’t have as much fun as we used to. Our conversations always led to arguments. We didn’t enjoy each other’s company anymore.

It is vital to have boundaries in a friendship. So over the past few months, I set some limits. My friend ignored them. It led to a significant fallout, so to the point where I questioned whether we should be friends.

Or whether I enjoyed their company. The truth is I didn’t. Our life paths went different ways, and I stopped liking them. The ultimate question you should ask yourself is whether you still like them. If not, you should tell them lightly without hurting their feelings.

I told them, Look, our lives are different now we are older, and I don’t want to continue the friendship. I also told them I enjoyed the time we spent together until recently. They said some unkind words and ended the conversation. It made me think about whether I should have ghosted them.

It wasn’t easy to end a friendship lasting six years, but I looked at the future and the possible outcomes of another six years. Deep down inside, I know I made the right decision. Honestly, I shouldn’t have waited so long.

Every friendship leads to one question how do you feel after they leave? How is your energy level whole and happy or sad and drained? It is time to walk away without guilt if it’s sad and exhausting. Our heart always knows the correct answer. Listen to your heart and walk away.

Four ways to be a good friend

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Be honest
Nobody likes a dishonest friend. Sometimes it is hard to tell a friend something, but it is even worse to hold it in. You could hurt their feelings and create distance between your friendship connection.

Be reliable
Flaking is a horrible habit that could be detrimental to your friendship.
When you make plans, keep them; when you can’t make it to an arranged meeting, at least give them a call.

Don’t talk behind their back.
Nothing is worse than finding out your friend is talking behind your back. If you don’t like something, say it in an excellent constructive way to their face in private.

Be generous
Don’t be stingy with your friends. If you can help or give them something that will help them, don’t treat them like strangers and support them.