What goes on the inside of the life of a madman?

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My life has been in turmoil. My mental illness has been kicking my ass, and I stopped fighting back. I drive around every day. I do some DoorDashing sometimes. I’m stuck in my parents’ basement, where all I have is a mattress to sleep on.
At nighttime, I’m not really sleeping. I have dreams where I’m realizing stuff that happened to me, and I realize how it affected me. It’s like I’m living life in the past, constantly processing my trauma.


I’m not really living. I’m stuck with no way out. I’m addicted to cigarettes. All my extra money goes toward gas and cigarettes. I’m constantly asking my parents for money, and I’m 39 years old.


The only way out is to find something I enjoy doing, but I’ve been stuck on that since the age of 5, when my dad would get drunk and torture me by asking me, “What do I want to do with my life?” Like I had any clue. Ever since then, I’ve been trying to figure it out instead of doing stuff. It’s like my mind is gone in that aspect of life.
I’m going to try to go to Barnes & Noble and read books about history every day. But even that is hard because I get too excited about the stuff I’m learning and put the book down. This is what goes on inside the mind of a madman.

Why honesty is the best policy?

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I went to a Catholic school in 6th grade. Sister Alma, the school principal, told me honesty is the best policy when I told her I was lying to myself inside my head without knowing it. For some reason, that saying got stuck in my head for my whole life, and people tell me I’m the most honest person they ever met.

But why is honesty the best policy?

Because when you lie to yourself, you don’t know where you stand. You don’t know who you are or what you really like and don’t like. Honesty to other people is more of a gray area. Yes, it’s important to tell other people the truth, but it’s also okay to tell what is called a white lie, meaning a lie that is told to not hurt their feelings. However, a lie to yourself is never okay.

The nasty flaw in honesty

There is also a flaw in being totally honest with someone that has power over you for example your boss. If you finish and you tell him you’re done he’s just going to give you more work. Which will eventually lead to burn out. I haven’t discovered the solution to this problem if you have please let me know in the comments.

The benefits of honesty

The “benis” of honesty will be more aligned with your true purpose in life. Overall, you will be a more fulfilled and happy person in your personal relationship with yourself. People will respect and trust you more and be more helpful toward you.

Troubles avoidance

Most importantly, you will stay out of trouble with people and the law. It will lead to a much happier and more fulfilling life! Remember, honesty is the best policy..

Honesty is the best policy

Why I’m thinking about living as a hermit

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My life has been destroyed by other people. Yes, I’ll admit I have a habit of bragging, maybe too much. But I thought the people close to me would be happy for my successes. I was wrong.
People would rather see you fail than see you succeed. Why? Because of equilibrium. People will try to keep up with you and try to copy you as much as they can. However, because I’m a bright guy, they realize they can’t. That’s when they try to destroy what you have so you don’t get ahead of them.
It’s not on purpose, but it’s what people do unknowingly. I only had two people in my life that truly wanted me to succeed, and that’s because they were happy where they were.
For that reason, I am thinking about buying a house in the middle of nowhere and focusing on the arts and reading and writing.
My father taught me to always help and assist people to grow. Since a young age, I would put other people ahead of me. Well, that philosophy attracted a lot of people who didn’t appreciate my help, expected it, and gave nothing back.
I think it would be nice not to talk to anyone and live my life in solitude. Sure, I won’t have anyone to help me grow, but I will also not have anyone sabotage what I am doing. I can meditate and live my life in peace.

Guy sitting by water

What No One Warns You About Sharing Knowledge for Free

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When I was in my 20s, I was very naive. Which is very common at that age, but I was super naive. I spent a lot of my time in front of the computer. I came across web design and got really good at coding.


Around that time, people were just discovering the internet. There were no big companies, and information was shared freely and openly without cost.


What happened is I grew up with the belief that knowledge is free. Basically, I thought that if you know something, you can tell anyone, and they will help you when they know something.
It hurt me a lot because people realized I was willing to tell them anything. I came to discover very good ways of making money, which my supposed friends would take and use to make money.


I kept telling myself I was young and that I still had time to make a lot of money. Then, around my 30s, I realized that I made a mistake, and when I asked the same friends for help, they were nowhere to be found.


It made me feel used and taken advantage of. My old boss said it best when he said I might know a lot about computers, but I don’t know a lot about people. He was right.


Let me know in the comments about the mistakes you made when you were young.

There is no perfect business

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When I was in middle school, my friend said he had a rich grandmother. I remember asking my friend to ask his grandmother how to get rich.
He did, and I remember she told him there is no perfect business. The way you get rich is to find something you kind of like and get really good at it. You will like it a lot when you are really good at it.


I spent years and decades looking for a perfect business idea. Only to realize what my friend’s grandmother said was true: there is no perfect business.


It’s funny because my friend now owns a security company and drives a Ferrari, while I’m living in my parents’ basement.


So if you are trying to find a perfect business idea that’s easy and will make you a lot of money, you will never find it; you will just waste time.

I Thought I Needed Healing. I Actually Needed to Stop Searching

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Through my healing journey, I have listened to a lot of guided meditations on YouTube. I mean a lot—almost every night for at least 10 years. Some nights I’m falling asleep to a guided meditation, flying through space. Other nights I’m dealing with emotions and burdens from my past.


It has helped me tremendously to heal. I don’t know how it works, but it does.
Recently, I noticed that my mother lacked emotional empathy. The way it affected me is that I overthink and dwell on things too much. I have written many articles about this on this blog.


Today, I decided to face it by doing my own guided meditation. The way I do it is I close my eyes, I call in an angel or spirit guide, and I let my subconscious give me the answers I have locked inside.


I asked Archangel Raphael, the angel of emotional and spiritual well-being, to come in. Right when I thought of it, I saw him appear in my mind.


He started doing all kinds of amazing dances, and I immediately felt better. Then I said to him,
“I want to be healed. I don’t want to deal with the past and anger anymore. I want to let it go.”
He kept doing his amazing dances, and then I saw him stop, smile, and say, “Let your anger go. And every time you feel like working on yourself instead of doing something in the physical, tell yourself you are ‘found.’”


I saw a white light flash, and I opened my eyes.
Then I realized the prayer I said years ago, asking God to help me find what I was looking for, even though I didn’t know what I was trying to find.
I realized I need to stop looking and tell myself every time I try to find something or fix something inside of me that I have been found.

It’s okay.


I need to focus on the physical. I feel a lot better, and I feel healed. Good job, Archangel Raphael.

Woman staring at angel

Why I Finally Accepted I’ll Never Be Rich

Adam Leave a comment

Here is something interesting I discovered about myself.
Growing up, I was told you can’t be happy until you are rich.


I wasted so many years trying to create websites and other types of online businesses that never really took off. Even though I swore they would, every single time. I always told myself, once this one is done, I will be happy and can start living my life.


It wasn’t until recently that I accepted I will never be rich, because that’s not what happiness is to me.


I’m most happy when I am around people and having fun. Not when I am creating something that will make me money. Successful entrepreneurs are most happy when they are creating something, not when they are around people.


So I will be happy when I am surrounded by people who want to have fun, not make money.
I enjoy writing on this blog and sharing my life experiences so others can learn from my mistakes, and it has been getting some attention. If I get rich off of it, that is wonderful, but it’s meaningful to me that I am sharing something that will change people’s lives, not just make money. And that is what keeps me going.

Guy staring at water


So if you are trying to create something that just makes money, it will never work. Because you will quit before it becomes successful.

Once you got it don’t look back

Adam 1 Comment

When I was young, about 20 years old, I wanted to try something different. Although I was raised Roman Catholic, I went to see a psychic. I was scared, but I said, “Maybe he can help me.” Really, I wanted to see if it was true—to see if they could predict the future or tell me information that I didn’t know.

Although it was vague and didn’t really impress me, there was something that I remember to this day. He said, “I’m going to give you something so you can have anything you want in life. But once you get it, don’t look back.”

I really didn’t understand what that meant and didn’t really think about it until today. While browsing through the bookstore, I saw a book that said, “Don’t look back; you’ll trip over.”

How many times do we look back in life and think about what could have been and how our life could have turned out differently? Had we made this one decision differently or realized something sooner?

But what if we accept things as they are—the good, the bad, and the ugly? We truly would realize we are already rich and successful. We might not have as much money as Elon Musk or be as successful as Hulk Hogan, but that’s comparing, and comparison is the thief of joy.

So stop regretting, accept that what you have is already enough, and once you’ve got it, don’t look back.

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Be careful about sharing your intentions with people

Adam Leave a comment

I wanted to start a blog like this in 2008, when I was about 22 years old. I remember telling my martial arts teacher about it, and he asked why. I told him I wanted to share the lessons I learned. Instead of telling me, “That’s a good idea, go ahead,” he said, “Help me set up a blog. I’ve been wanting to start one for a while.”

Being young and inexperienced, and not knowing what I had, I agreed. I went on and set up the blog for him, which he only wrote in once. I figured I didn’t have much to write about and kind of put the idea aside.

Until 15 years later.

Looking back at it, he took advantage of me or he really wanted to set up a blog I’ll never know for sure ,  I was too naive to know.

This is why you never tell people why you are doing the things you are doing. You can tell them what you are doing, but never why. Because if you tell them why, you set yourself up for manipulation, jealousy, discouragement, or worse, in my case.

The best thing to do is tell people when you succeed, but even then, don’t tell them why. You ever heard that if you tell people your dreams, they never come true? This is why.

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Guy staring at computer screen while his martial arts instructor is in the background

What to do if you feel like a loser at 40

Adam Leave a comment
Man staring on a road with a plan In his hand.

So you are forty years old with a list of boring, entry-level jobs. No girlfriend and no kids, no formal education, and you feel like life passed you by. You will never be a success story. Here is the truth: you can still turn your life around. Here are some ideas.

1. Stop doing what you are doing
If you are dwelling on the past or what could have or should have happened, STOP. That is not going to change anything. In fact, it will make it worse, because you are not making any progress forward.

2. Accept where you are
Take full responsibility for where you are in life. Not because of your friends or your parents. Not because of your environment, but because of the choices you made and the route you chose to take.

3. Make a plan
Decide what you are going to do from this point forward. If it’s going to be going back to get a degree or starting that business, make a detailed, step-by-step plan of what you are going to do every minute of every day for the next five years.

4. Go for it
Give it everything you’ve got. It’s live or die—give it every single piece of energy you have. Think that every day for the next five years is going to be hard and almost impossible if you don’t give it every single piece of willpower to change.

5. Once you achieve your goals
Once you achieve your goals in five years, be grateful and appreciative, because you could lose it fairly easily by falling back into your bad habits and thinking patterns.