I am now 38 years old, and I have been recently asking myself why I ended up in life where I ended up: living in my parents’ basement and working as a clerk at a gas station.
It is because I picked friends not because we had things in common, or because they showed me they could be trusted or had my best interest at heart.
I picked friends because I thought they were cool. I thought if I hung around cool people, I would become cool.
That was the beginning of my demise, because my former best friend turned out to be the biggest liar and manipulator.
When picking your friends, make sure they are good people, because if you show me your friends, I will show you your future.
We all had somebody we didn’t like personally and professionally. But what happens when they don’t realize it? What is the best way to tell them? How do you get that person out of your life?
I discovered a way of communicating this message using Zen Buddhism philosophy. It requires the correct relationship, action, and situation. To get your point across with them understanding it and not getting their feelings hurt.
Correct relationship For example, you can’t tell your college professor you don’t like them. Because it is unnecessary, your relationship doesn’t require you to like them. In your relationship, it is correct for you to learn from them; whether you tell them you like them or not doesn’t change anything. However, it would be best to communicate your feelings correctly when it’s a friend or a potential life partner.
Correct action You wouldn’t tell some you don’t like them but leave them somewhere when you offered them a ride. The best way to tell someone is to say, ” Our personalities don’t mix,” or “You’re not my type.” However, the situation has to be correct.
Correct situation You must tell them at the right time and location. It would be awkward if you told them at a party in front of many people. The best time and location is in private, face-to-face. Preferably not when they are not busy with work or upset about something else.
Sometimes, when you tell them at the proper relationship action and situation, you might still experience an outburst. It’s okay; some people aren’t mature enough, they expect everyone to like them. Just ignore it and move on.
Sometimes, telling people you don’t like them at your job is necessary. The three principles still apply. You might say something like let’s keep our relationship professional, or We wouldn’t get along on a personal level.
In certain relationships, it’s better not to say anything, for example, close family members or in-laws. You can avoid them and hope they get the hint after a while.
It’s never easy to tell someone you don’t like them, but sometimes it is required for your and their well-being. So be strong, and you must do it remember the three principles and apply them to minimize the possibility of hurt feelings.
There are many ways to make sure you pick the right friends, and I wish I had known this sooner instead of being friends with anyone who came my way. Your friends have a lot of influence on how your life will turn out.
Make sure you like them There are people you are friends with but you don’t like. It is a big waste of time for you and them. Life is short, so make sure you enjoy spending time together. It is as simple as that.
Make sure you have similar views Political and religious beliefs are very important to most people. You might get Into arguments and disagreements if you have different beliefs. When you have similar views, it is more fun.
They support your endeavors Support in your life is essential. You don’t want someone discouraging you right when you are about to try something new. You want someone who will support and cheer you on.
They aren’t selfish Friends who only care about themselves are no fun. Make sure they also consider other people when making their decisions because they might not be there for you when you need them the most.
They don’t judge you for being you You should feel comfortable around your friends and be who you are. They must like your personality’s good and bad aspects if your friendship will work.
They tell you the truth A friend that sugarcoats everyone is no friend at all. When picking friends, make sure they tell you the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable. You don’t want them lying; it will hurt you later.
They don’t take advantage of you If you are constantly bailing them out of trouble and paying for their meals, but they don’t reciprocate, then they aren’t friends. Friendship is a two-way street sea. It can go one way for a long time, but eventually, it should balance out.
They don’t sabotage you Sometimes, some ill-hearted friends don’t mean well for you. And they will sabotage and destroy your life out of envy and jealousy. They will offer lousy advice and guidance. Be careful who you pick and get to know them
Another good way to ensure you have the right friend is to see how you feel after they leave. Do you feel happy, or do you feel drained of energy? If you feel drained, you shouldn’t spend time with them anymore.
Friendships could last a month or a lifetime. People change and grow apart all the time, and that is okay. As long as you enjoy the time together, a friendship shouldn’t be a prison sentence. If you start growing apart, talk to your friend about it and kindly move on.
I had a so-called friend. Recently, I noticed I don’t enjoy being around them. We don’t have as much fun as we used to. Our conversations always led to arguments. We didn’t enjoy each other’s company anymore.
It is vital to have boundaries in a friendship. So over the past few months, I set some limits. My friend ignored them. It led to a significant fallout, so to the point where I questioned whether we should be friends.
Or whether I enjoyed their company. The truth is I didn’t. Our life paths went different ways, and I stopped liking them. The ultimate question you should ask yourself is whether you still like them. If not, you should tell them lightly without hurting their feelings.
I told them, Look, our lives are different now we are older, and I don’t want to continue the friendship. I also told them I enjoyed the time we spent together until recently. They said some unkind words and ended the conversation. It made me think about whether I should have ghosted them.
It wasn’t easy to end a friendship lasting six years, but I looked at the future and the possible outcomes of another six years. Deep down inside, I know I made the right decision. Honestly, I shouldn’t have waited so long.
Every friendship leads to one question how do you feel after they leave? How is your energy level whole and happy or sad and drained? It is time to walk away without guilt if it’s sad and exhausting. Our heart always knows the correct answer. Listen to your heart and walk away.
I have had a lot of unique and horrible friends in my life. I have been lied to about small things that hurt and big things. I have been taken advantage of financially and emotionally; however, life is more enjoyable, fun, and entertaining with friends. How do you make friends and keep them?
First, when you make new friends, pick friends that you like, although it’s easier said than done. But you must know as an adult how to make friends and have meaningful connections with people. The easiest way to make friends is to find people with whom you have something in common. For example, If you are at the gym, approach someone and find some topics about the gym to talk about. Nothing too personal keep it light and casual. As the conversation progresses, you will begin to see if you would consider that person to be a possible friend, then invite them for coffee.
Friendships have to be mutually beneficial. I had a friend back in the day who wanted me to drive every time we went out. After a while, I found out he did this with all his friends. He wasn’t looking for friendships. He was looking for a free ride. Some people aren’t in the stage of their life where they are looking for genuine friendships. They are in what people call survival mode, and that is fine. It’s just different from the person you want to associate yourself with.
The best way to keep a friend is to have a true friendship initially. I heard it said that how a company starts is how it ends. Meaning your intentions and feelings going into a friendship is how it will end, except you will receive the opposite of what you intended. So if your intention, in the beginning, is to use that person, in the end, you will be the one that is used. A good friendship doesn’t have to be fifty-fifty. It can be ninety-ten as long as you get something out of it. Most importantly, having a good time with lots of laughter and fun memories would be best. There are going to be some rough patches. No friendship is perfect, but it has to benefit both of you.
The best way to measure a friendship is to see how you feel at the end of the day after they or you or they leave the house. Do you feel uplifted? Do you feel like your energy got drained or not? And most importantly of all, did you have a good time? Have fun, and make some friends!
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