Category Life

My greatest life lesson is to pick the right friends

Adam 3 Comments

I am now 38 years old, and I have been recently asking myself why I ended up in life where I ended up: living in my parents’ basement and working as a clerk at a gas station.

It is because I picked friends not because we had things in common, or because they showed me they could be trusted or had my best interest at heart.

I picked friends because I thought they were cool. I thought if I hung around cool people, I would become cool.

That was the beginning of my demise, because my former best friend turned out to be the biggest liar and manipulator.

When picking your friends, make sure they are good people, because if you show me your friends, I will show you your future.

Sometimes there is no easier way

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I recently realized one of the reasons I am not successful is that I keep searching for an easier and faster way of doing something. For example, posting pins on Pinterest in order to get readers to this blog. I’m always thinking about outsourcing it and having someone else do it.

But I have to realize that they won’t have the same passion to make it look and sound just right. That can only come from me. They will do the work just for the paycheck.

Sometimes in life, you have to take the longer road and develop patience, with no certainty whether you are going to succeed or not. It could be years before you know whether you wasted the last five years of your life.

There is no easier way. You have to take a risk and give it all you’ve got. That is the only way to win. You have to accept there is no “best” way to start — you just have to start. The worst thing you can do is not do anything

Dwelling on dwelling on dwelling

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I spent at least twenty years dwelling on dwelling—without even realizing that I was doing it. A large part of my days went into trying to figure out the one thing that stopped me from being successful. In talking with a friend, I finally realized that there is no single cause.

You have to understand: there is no trigger or source behind all of your problems. In fact, the search for that “one cause” only wastes time—and becomes another form of dwelling. What matters is focusing on the present moment and moving forward from there.

Buddhists, for example, use mantras such as “Om Mani Padme Hum”—repeating them to quiet the mind and avoid getting lost in useless thoughts. I’ve decided to try this myself, and I’ll let you know how it goes. One thing is certain: dwelling gets you nowhere.

Don’t waste time

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Time is not something you can get back once it’s gone. Many people waste it, and when they get older, they regret how much of it they lost.

One way to avoid wasting time is to pause before beginning any endeavor and ask yourself: “How will I feel about this in 20 years?” That’s a question you should constantly keep in mind.

By doing this, you’ll live a more successful and meaningful life, and when you look back twenty years from now, you’ll feel proud rather than regretful.

Another important question to ask is: “Is this goal truly worth pursuing, or am I doing it for the wrong reasons—like trying to impress my family, friends, or even strangers?” Always choose to do things for yourself, not for anyone else.

Let me know in the comments: What do you regret wasting time on?

When you are young you should chase your passion not money

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I made the mistake of chasing money when I was young—really young, ever since I was thirteen. I was motivated by my immigrant dad to get rich. I wasted a lot of time in the computer field, although I got pretty close to success a few times. Still, I always felt like I was going down the wrong path and never truly fulfilled.

Now, at thirty-nine, I kind of wish I had pursued the regular path: going to college and getting a stable, safe job. I certainly would have felt more fulfilled and happy at this age.

When you are young, you should go full force into your passions and natural talents—the things that make you, and nobody else, happy—because chances are, you will succeed. At that age, you have all the time and freedom in the world. The older you get, the harder it becomes.

My life is spinning in circles

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So, I’ve noticed a pattern in my life, and it’s scary. I feel like a dog chasing its tail. I come up with an idea—usually for a website or something online. I start building it, and sometimes I even finish it. But it doesn’t yield the results I want, so I give up and repeat the whole process again.

Part of the problem is that I expect instant results; another part is that I struggle to commit. This blog, which I write in as often as an old lady runs, is the only thing I’ve been consistent with for more than two years in my entire life.

I wish I could break the cycle and create something that people actually use. Maybe there’s a flaw in my outlook on life. I wonder how many people are like me—just drifting through life.

The healing journey is over

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I’ve spent the last twenty years trying to heal from trauma and unhelpful thought patterns—struggling to see things as they truly are. I questioned everything about my reality: Why do I see things the way I do? How can I reframe them to see things differently?

For example, I asked myself: Why do I think money is evil? Is this something I truly believe, or is it a belief unconsciously passed down from my parents—something I accepted because I was too young to know any better? Is it really true that money is evil? How can I view it in a different light?

I spent weeks attending meditation retreats and participated in a wide range of spiritual gatherings and events—from Native American traditions to Wicca, from witchcraft to Christianity and Judaism.

Today, I realized something important: you can spend your whole life focused on self-improvement, always thinking there’s something wrong with you. But that’s life—perfection is impossible. Every time you overcome one challenge, another eventually appears. You can end up dwelling on everything and never truly living.

There is such a thing as over-healing—getting so caught up in fixing yourself that you forget to live. From now on, I’m going to focus on living and having fun—enjoying life and accepting that I am good enough and healed enough.

How people view time is how people live their life

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For the past 15 years, I spent much of my life trapped in the past. I replayed moments where people took advantage of me—business partners who used me, friends who were jealous, and those I trusted who gave me poor advice. It felt like every step I took, especially when it came to money or relationships, was guided by someone else’s hidden motives rather than my own best interest. I wasted so much energy dwelling on their actions, their betrayal, and their influence over my decisions.

Somewhere along the way, all that bitterness became a lens through which I viewed life. I used to see time as something beautiful—something to enjoy. Life was about fun, excitement, and experiences. But after being diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, my perception began to change drastically. Life no longer felt light or playful. Time became heavy. It started to feel like pain. A constant weight. It wasn’t just the mental illness—it was everything I had gone through that seemed to confirm my suffering.

Schizoaffective disorder brought challenges I never expected. It blurred the lines between what was real and what was distorted by emotion or perception. I found myself questioning everything—my thoughts, my choices, even my memories. Add to that the feeling of being wronged by people I once trusted, and I spiraled into a space where time itself felt like punishment. I was no longer living—I was just surviving.

But today, something clicked. I realized that the way we view time is the way we view life. If I think of time as pain, then every day is going to hurt. If I see time as a burden, then life becomes one long burden. But what if I flip that idea? What if I start seeing time not as pain, not as something to get through, but as an opportunity? A space where I can grow, learn, and even have fun?

From this day forward, I’m choosing to see time as a combination of discipline and joy. I’m going to use it to build structure in my life—structure that helps me heal, become stronger, and stay focused. At the same time, I’m not going to forget that life is meant to be enjoyed. I don’t have to choose between discipline and happiness—they can coexist. In fact, when balanced, they bring out the best in each other.

No longer will I let the past define me. The people who misled me, used me, or tried to break me—they don’t own my time anymore. I do. I am the one who gets to decide how I spend each day. And I choose to spend it becoming better, becoming more whole, and finding new ways to enjoy life again, even with the challenges I face.

This realization is my turning point. It won’t be easy—some days will still be hard. But the difference now is that I finally understand that time isn’t my enemy. Time is my teacher. And I’m ready to learn, grow, and live again.

Why Failure Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

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Growing up during the internet boom, I thought making money online was easy. I worked at a startup that made a lot of money selling on eBay, and I believed that this level of success would always come easily. I was generous to a fault, constantly giving money, time, and help to people I thought were my friends. But I learned the hard way that many of them were just using me. When I finally tried to make money on my own, I hit a wall—and that’s when the truth hit me even harder.

That experience woke me up. I realized that I had been naïve, and that I needed to start building something real for myself. That’s what led me to go back to school and get an education. It’s never too late. I also became more cautious with my generosity. I now focus on balanced relationships where time, advice, and support are given and received fairly.

The hardest part about this change was realizing that personal growth doesn’t happen overnight. Change takes time, and it takes an incredible amount of willpower to resist old habits. I had to be patient with myself, and I had to learn to stay consistent even when I didn’t see instant results.

But through all of this, I discovered something powerful about myself—I’m incredibly creative. I realized there are opportunities everywhere; you just have to take the time to learn your craft and recognize them. That kind of vision and resourcefulness was something I never appreciated in myself before failure forced me to dig deeper.

Before, I thought success meant freedom—having the ability to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Now, I define success differently. It means being happy, healthy, and financially stable. Freedom is still important, but it isn’t the end goal. It’s just one part of a much bigger, more meaningful picture.

This experience also shifted how I view people. I used to believe everyone was as well-intentioned as I was. But I’ve learned that not everyone is good-hearted, and not everyone who stays close is truly in your corner. That said, I’ve also come to admire people who start over—because starting over takes guts, and if they don’t give up, they’ll eventually succeed.

I had a major moment of clarity when I realized that not having money was actually a blessing. If I had stayed wealthy and naïve, I would have continued to give away everything to people who didn’t truly care about me. Losing it all showed me who was real and who wasn’t—and that’s a gift in disguise.

Now my goals are different. I no longer chase riches or status. I want good friends, peace of mind, and enough money to live a happy, comfortable life. I don’t need to be the richest man on earth—I just want a meaningful life with real people in it.

To anyone going through failure right now: there is always a way out. It might not feel like it, but there’s always something you can change, something you can learn, and something you can improve. What looks like a dead end might just be a sign to shift your direction, not stop your journey.

If I had to sum up the biggest lesson I’ve learned, it would be this: Don’t ever give up. If you keep trying different things, eventually one of them will work—and that could change your life.

How to Pick the Right Person: 10 Honest Lessons

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Picking the right person isn’t about how they look or how much money they have—it’s about how they make you feel when you’re around them. You’re going to spend a lot of time with this person, possibly for the rest of your life. That’s why it’s essential to choose someone you actually enjoy being with. Qualities like honesty, caring, and being non-judgmental should matter more than anything superficial.

I’ve picked the wrong person before, and I regret it. I was drawn in by looks and ignored the signs. That person ended up cheating on me, lying to me, and using me for money. What hurt most wasn’t just what they did—but how much time I wasted with the wrong person. It taught me that love has to be about more than appearances.

There are red flags people often ignore early on in relationships. For me, one big warning sign is when someone constantly talks about money or material things. It often means they’re focused more on what they can get than who you are. That’s not the kind of energy you want to invest your life into.

But there are green flags too—signs that someone is right for you. A person who is genuinely interested in you, who listens to what you say and wants to know more about you, is someone worth holding onto. When someone makes you feel heard and valued, that’s a huge positive sign.

Communication is the foundation of any great relationship. There are five different love languages, and it helps to find someone whose language matches yours—or someone who’s willing to understand yours. Without healthy communication and understanding, a relationship can’t survive.

You should never settle just because you’re afraid of being alone. Settling leads to misery, resentment, or even divorce. It’s better to be single than stuck in a relationship where you’re not truly happy. Even if it takes a lifetime, the right person is worth waiting for.

But before you can find the right person, you need to be the right person—for yourself. If you aren’t happy with who you are, if you can’t enjoy your own company, then you’ll likely end up draining your partner’s energy. Being your own best friend is the first step to attracting the right person.

Trust is everything. Without it, a relationship falls apart. A trustworthy person makes you feel safe, not anxious. If someone lies or breaks small promises early on, it usually gets worse with time. Find someone you can trust deeply, because that’s the real glue that holds love together.

You’ll know you’ve found the right person when things just feel easy. You feel good around them. You feel energized, not drained. You look forward to seeing them again. There’s no confusion, no games, no guessing. Just a calm sense of clarity and joy.

If I could give just one piece of advice to anyone searching for the right person, it would be this: Don’t settle. Don’t compromise your peace, your values, or your happiness just to avoid being alone. The right person will make you feel more like yourself—not less.