Last Updated on June 18, 2025

For the past 15 years, I spent much of my life trapped in the past. I replayed moments where people took advantage of me—business partners who used me, friends who were jealous, and those I trusted who gave me poor advice. It felt like every step I took, especially when it came to money or relationships, was guided by someone else’s hidden motives rather than my own best interest. I wasted so much energy dwelling on their actions, their betrayal, and their influence over my decisions.

Somewhere along the way, all that bitterness became a lens through which I viewed life. I used to see time as something beautiful—something to enjoy. Life was about fun, excitement, and experiences. But after being diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, my perception began to change drastically. Life no longer felt light or playful. Time became heavy. It started to feel like pain. A constant weight. It wasn’t just the mental illness—it was everything I had gone through that seemed to confirm my suffering.

Schizoaffective disorder brought challenges I never expected. It blurred the lines between what was real and what was distorted by emotion or perception. I found myself questioning everything—my thoughts, my choices, even my memories. Add to that the feeling of being wronged by people I once trusted, and I spiraled into a space where time itself felt like punishment. I was no longer living—I was just surviving.

But today, something clicked. I realized that the way we view time is the way we view life. If I think of time as pain, then every day is going to hurt. If I see time as a burden, then life becomes one long burden. But what if I flip that idea? What if I start seeing time not as pain, not as something to get through, but as an opportunity? A space where I can grow, learn, and even have fun?

From this day forward, I’m choosing to see time as a combination of discipline and joy. I’m going to use it to build structure in my life—structure that helps me heal, become stronger, and stay focused. At the same time, I’m not going to forget that life is meant to be enjoyed. I don’t have to choose between discipline and happiness—they can coexist. In fact, when balanced, they bring out the best in each other.

No longer will I let the past define me. The people who misled me, used me, or tried to break me—they don’t own my time anymore. I do. I am the one who gets to decide how I spend each day. And I choose to spend it becoming better, becoming more whole, and finding new ways to enjoy life again, even with the challenges I face.

This realization is my turning point. It won’t be easy—some days will still be hard. But the difference now is that I finally understand that time isn’t my enemy. Time is my teacher. And I’m ready to learn, grow, and live again.