Author Adam

The healing journey is over

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I’ve spent the last twenty years trying to heal from trauma and unhelpful thought patterns—struggling to see things as they truly are. I questioned everything about my reality: Why do I see things the way I do? How can I reframe them to see things differently?

For example, I asked myself: Why do I think money is evil? Is this something I truly believe, or is it a belief unconsciously passed down from my parents—something I accepted because I was too young to know any better? Is it really true that money is evil? How can I view it in a different light?

I spent weeks attending meditation retreats and participated in a wide range of spiritual gatherings and events—from Native American traditions to Wicca, from witchcraft to Christianity and Judaism.

Today, I realized something important: you can spend your whole life focused on self-improvement, always thinking there’s something wrong with you. But that’s life—perfection is impossible. Every time you overcome one challenge, another eventually appears. You can end up dwelling on everything and never truly living.

There is such a thing as over-healing—getting so caught up in fixing yourself that you forget to live. From now on, I’m going to focus on living and having fun—enjoying life and accepting that I am good enough and healed enough.

How people view time is how people live their life

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For the past 15 years, I spent much of my life trapped in the past. I replayed moments where people took advantage of me—business partners who used me, friends who were jealous, and those I trusted who gave me poor advice. It felt like every step I took, especially when it came to money or relationships, was guided by someone else’s hidden motives rather than my own best interest. I wasted so much energy dwelling on their actions, their betrayal, and their influence over my decisions.

Somewhere along the way, all that bitterness became a lens through which I viewed life. I used to see time as something beautiful—something to enjoy. Life was about fun, excitement, and experiences. But after being diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, my perception began to change drastically. Life no longer felt light or playful. Time became heavy. It started to feel like pain. A constant weight. It wasn’t just the mental illness—it was everything I had gone through that seemed to confirm my suffering.

Schizoaffective disorder brought challenges I never expected. It blurred the lines between what was real and what was distorted by emotion or perception. I found myself questioning everything—my thoughts, my choices, even my memories. Add to that the feeling of being wronged by people I once trusted, and I spiraled into a space where time itself felt like punishment. I was no longer living—I was just surviving.

But today, something clicked. I realized that the way we view time is the way we view life. If I think of time as pain, then every day is going to hurt. If I see time as a burden, then life becomes one long burden. But what if I flip that idea? What if I start seeing time not as pain, not as something to get through, but as an opportunity? A space where I can grow, learn, and even have fun?

From this day forward, I’m choosing to see time as a combination of discipline and joy. I’m going to use it to build structure in my life—structure that helps me heal, become stronger, and stay focused. At the same time, I’m not going to forget that life is meant to be enjoyed. I don’t have to choose between discipline and happiness—they can coexist. In fact, when balanced, they bring out the best in each other.

No longer will I let the past define me. The people who misled me, used me, or tried to break me—they don’t own my time anymore. I do. I am the one who gets to decide how I spend each day. And I choose to spend it becoming better, becoming more whole, and finding new ways to enjoy life again, even with the challenges I face.

This realization is my turning point. It won’t be easy—some days will still be hard. But the difference now is that I finally understand that time isn’t my enemy. Time is my teacher. And I’m ready to learn, grow, and live again.

Why Failure Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

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Growing up during the internet boom, I thought making money online was easy. I worked at a startup that made a lot of money selling on eBay, and I believed that this level of success would always come easily. I was generous to a fault, constantly giving money, time, and help to people I thought were my friends. But I learned the hard way that many of them were just using me. When I finally tried to make money on my own, I hit a wall—and that’s when the truth hit me even harder.

That experience woke me up. I realized that I had been naïve, and that I needed to start building something real for myself. That’s what led me to go back to school and get an education. It’s never too late. I also became more cautious with my generosity. I now focus on balanced relationships where time, advice, and support are given and received fairly.

The hardest part about this change was realizing that personal growth doesn’t happen overnight. Change takes time, and it takes an incredible amount of willpower to resist old habits. I had to be patient with myself, and I had to learn to stay consistent even when I didn’t see instant results.

But through all of this, I discovered something powerful about myself—I’m incredibly creative. I realized there are opportunities everywhere; you just have to take the time to learn your craft and recognize them. That kind of vision and resourcefulness was something I never appreciated in myself before failure forced me to dig deeper.

Before, I thought success meant freedom—having the ability to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Now, I define success differently. It means being happy, healthy, and financially stable. Freedom is still important, but it isn’t the end goal. It’s just one part of a much bigger, more meaningful picture.

This experience also shifted how I view people. I used to believe everyone was as well-intentioned as I was. But I’ve learned that not everyone is good-hearted, and not everyone who stays close is truly in your corner. That said, I’ve also come to admire people who start over—because starting over takes guts, and if they don’t give up, they’ll eventually succeed.

I had a major moment of clarity when I realized that not having money was actually a blessing. If I had stayed wealthy and naïve, I would have continued to give away everything to people who didn’t truly care about me. Losing it all showed me who was real and who wasn’t—and that’s a gift in disguise.

Now my goals are different. I no longer chase riches or status. I want good friends, peace of mind, and enough money to live a happy, comfortable life. I don’t need to be the richest man on earth—I just want a meaningful life with real people in it.

To anyone going through failure right now: there is always a way out. It might not feel like it, but there’s always something you can change, something you can learn, and something you can improve. What looks like a dead end might just be a sign to shift your direction, not stop your journey.

If I had to sum up the biggest lesson I’ve learned, it would be this: Don’t ever give up. If you keep trying different things, eventually one of them will work—and that could change your life.

How to Pick the Right Person: 10 Honest Lessons

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Picking the right person isn’t about how they look or how much money they have—it’s about how they make you feel when you’re around them. You’re going to spend a lot of time with this person, possibly for the rest of your life. That’s why it’s essential to choose someone you actually enjoy being with. Qualities like honesty, caring, and being non-judgmental should matter more than anything superficial.

I’ve picked the wrong person before, and I regret it. I was drawn in by looks and ignored the signs. That person ended up cheating on me, lying to me, and using me for money. What hurt most wasn’t just what they did—but how much time I wasted with the wrong person. It taught me that love has to be about more than appearances.

There are red flags people often ignore early on in relationships. For me, one big warning sign is when someone constantly talks about money or material things. It often means they’re focused more on what they can get than who you are. That’s not the kind of energy you want to invest your life into.

But there are green flags too—signs that someone is right for you. A person who is genuinely interested in you, who listens to what you say and wants to know more about you, is someone worth holding onto. When someone makes you feel heard and valued, that’s a huge positive sign.

Communication is the foundation of any great relationship. There are five different love languages, and it helps to find someone whose language matches yours—or someone who’s willing to understand yours. Without healthy communication and understanding, a relationship can’t survive.

You should never settle just because you’re afraid of being alone. Settling leads to misery, resentment, or even divorce. It’s better to be single than stuck in a relationship where you’re not truly happy. Even if it takes a lifetime, the right person is worth waiting for.

But before you can find the right person, you need to be the right person—for yourself. If you aren’t happy with who you are, if you can’t enjoy your own company, then you’ll likely end up draining your partner’s energy. Being your own best friend is the first step to attracting the right person.

Trust is everything. Without it, a relationship falls apart. A trustworthy person makes you feel safe, not anxious. If someone lies or breaks small promises early on, it usually gets worse with time. Find someone you can trust deeply, because that’s the real glue that holds love together.

You’ll know you’ve found the right person when things just feel easy. You feel good around them. You feel energized, not drained. You look forward to seeing them again. There’s no confusion, no games, no guessing. Just a calm sense of clarity and joy.

If I could give just one piece of advice to anyone searching for the right person, it would be this: Don’t settle. Don’t compromise your peace, your values, or your happiness just to avoid being alone. The right person will make you feel more like yourself—not less.

Story of how I lost my mind

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Background

It was around the age of 21 when everything began. I had just finished Branford Hall Career Institute for computer repair, but I wasn’t feeling like myself. Something felt off. I called a therapist, and they suggested I try meditation. I typed “meditation” into Google, and a place called Small Forest Temple came up. I gave them a call, and they said they had a class coming up on Wednesday.

From the moment I walked in, I loved what I was doing. It was a mix of martial arts, Tai Chi, and meditation. I had never meditated before in my life. They told me they could help me overcome the things holding me back and help me discover who I really am. I started going every Wednesday to meditate and practice with them.

I came from a troubled childhood — my parents argued constantly. I was sexually and mentally abused.

Meditating at the Temple

It was an amazing experience. I was learning a lot about myself through meditation and the philosophy classes. I was becoming more relaxed, and my life was starting to feel better. I even got a temp job at a major corporation, and things were looking up. One of my friends told me he thought I was in a cult, but I didn’t feel that way at all. After about a year of going to the temple, I decided to move in and make meditation a regular part of my life.

Hearing Voices, Mind Racing

Around that time, a lot of people moved out of the temple, and I ended up being there alone most days. I would spend my time meditating and practicing martial arts. Eventually, I started noticing that my mind was racing and I was hearing voices. At the time, I didn’t realize they were voices — I thought I was receiving insight from angels. It’s unfortunate, but there are a lot of books on shamanism that describe similar things happening to people who meditate deeply, so I didn’t think I was losing my mind. I honestly believed I was having a spiritual experience.

My teacher noticed something was off. He suggested I try meditating all night to see if I would feel better, because I didn’t seem like myself. After a while, I stopped listening to the teacher, and they eventually asked me to leave.

Driving Around with Stories in My Head

I didn’t go back home immediately. Instead, I ended up driving around for days. I don’t remember much, but I do remember the voices in my head telling me a story — that I was the reincarnation of a Buddhist monk who gets a chance every 10,000 years to break a karmic cycle. If I failed, I’d have to wait another 10,000 years to try again.

It felt like there was a battle going on in my mind between angels and demons. I was totally out of it. I didn’t know what was real or what to do. The voices told me not to go home, warning that something bad would happen if I did. Eventually, I went home anyway. My parents didn’t catch on at first. I ended up sleeping for days… then weeks… then months.

Getting Arrested

I was very confused and didn’t know what to do. So I decided to go back to the temple, hoping they might understand what was happening to me. Since they were healers, I thought maybe they could help me make sense of it all. But it didn’t go the way I expected — instead of helping me, they called the police. I was trespassed from the property.

Going to the Hospital

One day I woke up and knew something was wrong, so I decided to drive myself to the hospital. When I spoke to the intake nurse, I told her, “There’s something wrong with me.” She asked what was wrong, but I couldn’t explain it. I didn’t understand it myself. At the temple, they told me that most people wouldn’t understand spiritual experiences — only monks and people who meditate nonstop could truly relate.

Because of that, I didn’t know how to put it into words. I stood there, unable to explain what was going on in my mind. Eventually, I just said, “Never mind. I’m okay now,” and left. I went back home.

Getting in a Fight with My Dad

My parents still hadn’t realized something was seriously wrong with me. One day, they asked me to come with them to the beach. On the way there, I started hearing voices again. The voices told me that my dad was the devil. I was completely lost in my mind at that point — I believed it.

We were sitting in the car, and I was in the passenger seat. Out of nowhere, I turned and started choking him. I thought I was doing something necessary… but really, I was out of control.

Ending Up in the Mental Institution

Eventually, my sister ended up driving me to the emergency room, and that’s when they admitted me to a mental hospital. I remember asking one of the doctors, “Is God going to heal me?” She replied, “There is no God here — only science.” I don’t remember much else from my time in the hospital, but that moment really stayed with me. Her words made me feel sad and hopeless.

Years later, when I looked over my hospital records, I saw that it said I was constantly calling the hospital priest and asking for an exorcism.

Recovery

After I got out of the mental hospital, they put me on medication that made the voices and delusions go away. Right after my release, I was going to a clinic five times a week for three hours a day. Recovery was a slow, exhausting process. In the beginning, I was on twelve different medications, and I couldn’t function at all.

My sister kept coming with me to the appointments, telling the doctors, “He doesn’t need all of this medication.” Eventually, when they lowered it down to one medication, I started remembering things again and functioning better.

But for years, I couldn’t tell whether what I experienced was a spiritual awakening… or a mental breakdown.

Hard to Accept

Even now, it’s hard to accept that I’ve been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. There’s so much that science doesn’t explain. I’ve read stories and books about people who’ve had spiritual experiences — are they all just crazy?

When Jesus meditated in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and faced the devil… was he delusional? I don’t know. Some days, I believe I had a spiritual experience. Other days, I believe I’m just sick. Maybe one day, I’ll know the truth.

How I Deal With It Now

These days, I spend a lot of time lying around. I’m on disability, and I often find myself wondering what really happened to me. I still take medication. I’m on my own now — functional, for the most part — but I’m not the same person I used to be.

Mental illness can happen to anyone. So the next time you feel like laughing at someone struggling, remember: it could just as easily happen to you. And if it did, how would you want to be treated?

If you’ve read my story, I’d appreciate if you left a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights, or perspectives — maybe you’ve been through something similar. Maybe you can help me see things in a new light.

Let go Of Anger

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When I was about 14 years old, I used to make websites and earned money from advertisements. My mother was furious when she found out and didn’t let me continue. She said I was too young to make so much money. This event changed the course of my life forever. If I had kept going with my ideas, I would have made millions, if not billions, by now. I have spent the past 20 years being angry at her and at myself.

However, I decided to forgive her. A few days after I did that, my whole perspective changed. I realized that since I was holding on to anger, I was stuck. The truth of the matter is that I could still make websites and be successful. I was just furious because it was way easier in the past. I realized that new websites are being launched every day, and they become successful and turn into giant companies.

It wasn’t until I let go of anger that I realized it was not too late. Sure, I missed some opportunities, but there are an infinite number of opportunities available. I recently launched NinjaInventions.com. Check it out as I move forward with the next chapter in my life.

I’m on disability what do I spend my time doing?

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Because of my schizoaffective disorder, I am unable to work. Although I wish I could, and I sometimes miss it—especially being around people—I don’t miss waking up early, sitting in traffic, and driving to work. It sucks not having money and living at home with my parents, but these are the cards I was dealt.

I spend a lot of time sleeping and lying around, feeling horrible about my condition. It’s something I still haven’t fully come to terms with and will probably struggle with for the rest of my life. I think part of it is due to the side effects of my medication.

I read books, and autobiographies are my favorite, especially those about entrepreneurs who built something out of nothing. I recently read Shoe Dog, the book about the founder of Nike, and learned a lot from it—especially how, like me, he spent a lot of time analyzing and worrying about his company.

I’m still an aspiring entrepreneur. I spend some time buying cheap products from China and selling them on platforms like Facebook Marketplace to make some extra money within the limits allowed by Social Security. I also brainstorm business ideas that could someday lead to starting my own company.

I also write in this blog and take online college classes.

I regret not getting married and having a wife. Because of my trauma, I don’t think I’m capable of having a good relationship. Seeing my parents argue all the time didn’t help. It’s not the best living situation, but it sure beats being homeless.

I watch movies on Netflix, and I try to go for walks and work out sometimes. If you can work, be grateful—you don’t have to worry about being broke for the rest of your life.

My story about being backstabbed

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Growing up, I didn’t have very supportive parents, so I depended on my friends for support. I had friends who came and went, but there was one friend who stuck around—or so I thought.

He was the kind of guy I loved being around. We did everything together, from hiking to going on trips. I guess it was somewhat my fault because I depended on him too much. I truly thought we were like brothers.

Still, there was always something off that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. For example, why would he come to me for advice, but when I went to him, he’d always say, “It’s your life. It’s up to you how you live it.”

When I was younger, I didn’t think much of it, but as I got older, I realized I hadn’t made all the right choices. That’s when it hit me—not only did he never give me advice, but he actively sabotaged my life to make himself feel better about his. For instance, he’d tell me that girls didn’t like me, only for me to realize later that they did. Or he’d say, “I heard that’s not a good job,” when in reality, it was.

Looking back, I realized it wasn’t even a friendship. It was someone tearing down my life to boost their own, all while using me to help with theirs.

Be careful who you surround yourself with because you never truly know someone’s true intentions.

Sit with the pain or feeling

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When I was in my twenties, I attended a seminar on how to deal with addiction. During the seminar, a gentleman in his forties shared his story about his battle with heroin addiction. He spoke candidly about his struggles and the methods he had tried to overcome his dependency. The most effective approach, he said, was learning to sit with the feeling—acknowledging it, locating where it resided in his body, and simply being present with it.

What he meant was not running away from the craving, not suppressing it, and certainly not acting on it. Instead, he advised sitting with the sensation, even if it was just for a few seconds. Those few seconds mattered, he explained, because they represented a moment of triumph—a moment where you chose not to act on the craving or the urge.

Years later, when I decided to quit smoking cigarettes, I used the very same technique. Whenever the craving hit, I would sit with it, allowing myself to fully experience the sensation without giving in. Sometimes I could manage to sit with the craving for five minutes; other times, I pushed myself to hold out for an hour. It wasn’t easy, but over time, I noticed that my willpower began to strengthen.

Little by little, those moments of resistance added up. Each time I sat with the craving, I felt a small victory, and eventually, my determination grew strong enough to quit altogether. As of today, I’ve been smoke-free for 11 days, and I feel a deep sense of accomplishment knowing that I overcame one of the toughest battles of my life using this simple yet powerful technique.

What I think is success

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Success in the United States is often associated with having a lot of money and/or being famous—the nice car and the mansion, as portrayed in the movies.

However, I disagree. To me, success is about being happy. It’s about spending time with people you enjoy and having the freedom to do what you want, when you want. In essence, success, to me, is freedom.

I don’t believe you can be truly successful if you don’t enjoy what you do. You might have a lot of money, but without happiness, it means little. Conversely, if you enjoy what you do but don’t make enough money to sustain yourself, that isn’t success either.

Ultimately, everyone has their own definition of success if they take the time to reflect on it.