Tag meditation

Story of how I lost my mind

Adam Leave a comment

Background

It was around the age of 21 when everything began. I had just finished Branford Hall Career Institute for computer repair, but I wasn’t feeling like myself. Something felt off. I called a therapist, and they suggested I try meditation. I typed “meditation” into Google, and a place called Small Forest Temple came up. I gave them a call, and they said they had a class coming up on Wednesday.

From the moment I walked in, I loved what I was doing. It was a mix of martial arts, Tai Chi, and meditation. I had never meditated before in my life. They told me they could help me overcome the things holding me back and help me discover who I really am. I started going every Wednesday to meditate and practice with them.

I came from a troubled childhood — my parents argued constantly. I was sexually and mentally abused.

Meditating at the Temple

It was an amazing experience. I was learning a lot about myself through meditation and the philosophy classes. I was becoming more relaxed, and my life was starting to feel better. I even got a temp job at a major corporation, and things were looking up. One of my friends told me he thought I was in a cult, but I didn’t feel that way at all. After about a year of going to the temple, I decided to move in and make meditation a regular part of my life.

Hearing Voices, Mind Racing

Around that time, a lot of people moved out of the temple, and I ended up being there alone most days. I would spend my time meditating and practicing martial arts. Eventually, I started noticing that my mind was racing and I was hearing voices. At the time, I didn’t realize they were voices — I thought I was receiving insight from angels. It’s unfortunate, but there are a lot of books on shamanism that describe similar things happening to people who meditate deeply, so I didn’t think I was losing my mind. I honestly believed I was having a spiritual experience.

My teacher noticed something was off. He suggested I try meditating all night to see if I would feel better, because I didn’t seem like myself. After a while, I stopped listening to the teacher, and they eventually asked me to leave.

Driving Around with Stories in My Head

I didn’t go back home immediately. Instead, I ended up driving around for days. I don’t remember much, but I do remember the voices in my head telling me a story — that I was the reincarnation of a Buddhist monk who gets a chance every 10,000 years to break a karmic cycle. If I failed, I’d have to wait another 10,000 years to try again.

It felt like there was a battle going on in my mind between angels and demons. I was totally out of it. I didn’t know what was real or what to do. The voices told me not to go home, warning that something bad would happen if I did. Eventually, I went home anyway. My parents didn’t catch on at first. I ended up sleeping for days… then weeks… then months.

Getting Arrested

I was very confused and didn’t know what to do. So I decided to go back to the temple, hoping they might understand what was happening to me. Since they were healers, I thought maybe they could help me make sense of it all. But it didn’t go the way I expected — instead of helping me, they called the police. I was trespassed from the property.

Going to the Hospital

One day I woke up and knew something was wrong, so I decided to drive myself to the hospital. When I spoke to the intake nurse, I told her, “There’s something wrong with me.” She asked what was wrong, but I couldn’t explain it. I didn’t understand it myself. At the temple, they told me that most people wouldn’t understand spiritual experiences — only monks and people who meditate nonstop could truly relate.

Because of that, I didn’t know how to put it into words. I stood there, unable to explain what was going on in my mind. Eventually, I just said, “Never mind. I’m okay now,” and left. I went back home.

Getting in a Fight with My Dad

My parents still hadn’t realized something was seriously wrong with me. One day, they asked me to come with them to the beach. On the way there, I started hearing voices again. The voices told me that my dad was the devil. I was completely lost in my mind at that point — I believed it.

We were sitting in the car, and I was in the passenger seat. Out of nowhere, I turned and started choking him. I thought I was doing something necessary… but really, I was out of control.

Ending Up in the Mental Institution

Eventually, my sister ended up driving me to the emergency room, and that’s when they admitted me to a mental hospital. I remember asking one of the doctors, “Is God going to heal me?” She replied, “There is no God here — only science.” I don’t remember much else from my time in the hospital, but that moment really stayed with me. Her words made me feel sad and hopeless.

Years later, when I looked over my hospital records, I saw that it said I was constantly calling the hospital priest and asking for an exorcism.

Recovery

After I got out of the mental hospital, they put me on medication that made the voices and delusions go away. Right after my release, I was going to a clinic five times a week for three hours a day. Recovery was a slow, exhausting process. In the beginning, I was on twelve different medications, and I couldn’t function at all.

My sister kept coming with me to the appointments, telling the doctors, “He doesn’t need all of this medication.” Eventually, when they lowered it down to one medication, I started remembering things again and functioning better.

But for years, I couldn’t tell whether what I experienced was a spiritual awakening… or a mental breakdown.

Hard to Accept

Even now, it’s hard to accept that I’ve been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. There’s so much that science doesn’t explain. I’ve read stories and books about people who’ve had spiritual experiences — are they all just crazy?

When Jesus meditated in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and faced the devil… was he delusional? I don’t know. Some days, I believe I had a spiritual experience. Other days, I believe I’m just sick. Maybe one day, I’ll know the truth.

How I Deal With It Now

These days, I spend a lot of time lying around. I’m on disability, and I often find myself wondering what really happened to me. I still take medication. I’m on my own now — functional, for the most part — but I’m not the same person I used to be.

Mental illness can happen to anyone. So the next time you feel like laughing at someone struggling, remember: it could just as easily happen to you. And if it did, how would you want to be treated?

If you’ve read my story, I’d appreciate if you left a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights, or perspectives — maybe you’ve been through something similar. Maybe you can help me see things in a new light.

Why being in the present is so important

Adam 1 Comment

Mindfulness is the most important skill that you can develop. Mindfulness is the act of focusing on the present moment. Whenever your mind wanders off, bring it back to the now, and don’t think about the past or the future; think about the current task.

It is where your power is, and you can accomplish the most. If you wander off thinking while working on something, you will lose focus, and it won’t come out as good. Or you won’t finish the task at all.

Some people waste many years of their lives being stuck on an issue. For example, ” I should have gone to college” or ” I can’t believe my girlfriend cheated on me.” They waste years replying to the same stories in their mind without moving on and focusing on what matters, which is the now.

The best parts of my life were practicing meditation and being in the moment minute by minute. Things just flowed and fell into place. Meditation helps you be in the moment by following your breath. For every exhale, count to 10. For every Inhale, count to 5. Whenever a distracting thought comes, focus on what’s in front of you and dismiss the distracting thought.

Another form that helps you to be in the moment is a Buddhist mantra, for example,
“Om mani padi umm”
These words make no sense; however, when said repeatedly in your mind, they help you be in the present. They also help to get rid of the things you have been stuck on in your mind, knowingly or unknowingly.

The benefits of staying in the present moment are incredible. You will find yourself not only being more productive but also calmer. There is also a Buddhist spiritual aspect of being In the present.

A seeker asked a Zen master for the secret to enlightenment. The master handed him a stone and said, “Find its value.” Days later, the seeker returned, puzzled. Smiling, the master asked, “What weighs more, your thoughts of the stone or the stone itself?” In that instant, the seeker realized enlightenment was seeing things as they are, not as he wished them to be, and in this simplicity, he found peace.

Supposedly, if you stay in the present for a long time, you will break away from your karma and reach a state of enlightenment. That is the Zen Buddhism perspective.

Even though perfect enlightenment might not be your goal, there has been proven research that shows mindfulness leads to less stress and better overall well-being.

Embracing Simplicity and Focus: The Transformative Power of Daily Mindfulness

Adam Leave a comment

In today’s fast-paced world, our lives are often cluttered with distractions and complexities that can lead to a sense of disarray and lack of focus. However, integrating a practice of daily mindfulness into my routine has been a transformative experience, one that has simplified my life and sharpened my focus in ways I never imagined possible.

Mindfulness, the practice of being fully present and engaged in the moment, without judgment or distraction, has roots in ancient traditions but has found a relevant and vital place in our modern lives. Its benefits extend far beyond the immediate calm it brings; it’s a tool for fostering long-term mental and emotional well-being.

Simplifying Life Through Mindfulness

When I began my journey with daily meditation, the first change I noticed was a newfound clarity in my thoughts. The constant mental chatter that used to consume my day began to subside, allowing me to see my life and its challenges in a more straightforward, less complicated manner. This clarity is one of the profound benefits of mindfulness – it acts like a filter, distilling our experiences and thoughts to their essentials.

In this simplicity, I found decision-making easier. Choices that previously seemed overwhelming became more manageable as mindfulness taught me to strip away unnecessary worries and focus on what truly mattered. This simpler approach to life didn’t mean that challenges disappeared, but rather that I became better equipped to handle them.

Enhanced Focus and Productivity

Another significant benefit of incorporating mindfulness into my daily routine was an improvement in my focus and productivity. Each meditation session felt like a reset button, bringing me back to a state of centeredness from which I could approach tasks with a clear mind.

This increase in focus is supported by numerous studies. Mindfulness meditation has been shown to enhance the brain’s ability to process information and make connections. In my experience, this manifested as a heightened ability to concentrate on work, leading to increased productivity and a sense of accomplishment at the end of each day.

Emotional Balance and Resilience

Mindfulness also played a crucial role in improving my emotional well-being. Regular practice helped me develop a greater awareness of my emotional states, allowing me to recognize and address negative feelings like stress and anxiety before they became overwhelming. This awareness is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, leading to improved resilience in facing life’s ups and downs.

Strengthening Relationships

Surprisingly, mindfulness also had a positive impact on my relationships. With a clearer mind and a calmer demeanor, I found myself more present in my interactions with others. This presence allowed for deeper connections and more meaningful conversations, as I was fully engaged and not distracted by the incessant buzz of my own thoughts.

Final Thoughts

Incorporating daily mindfulness practice into my life has been a journey towards simplicity and focus. It’s a tool that has helped me navigate the complexities of modern life with greater ease and clarity. Whether through meditation, mindful breathing, or simply being fully present in everyday activities, the practice of mindfulness can be a powerful agent for change in anyone’s life.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or disconnected, I encourage you to explore mindfulness. Start small, with just a few minutes each day, and observe the changes it brings. In my experience, it’s been a path to a simpler, more focused, and ultimately more fulfilling life.

The Path of Authentic Zen

Adam Leave a comment

I discovered Zen in 2008. I had just finished school, and I was stressing out. I needed a way to relax. From the movies I saw on TV, I thought, why not try martial arts? I looked up a nearby temple and decided to visit.

The Zen Buddhism philosophy is impressive. It is viewed as a way of life. The main point is to stay in the moment. If you are walking, walk if you are reading a book. Just focus on the words that are in front of you. That is Zen in a nutshell.

However, the practice is viewed as challenging by many. Although Zen says don’t make it difficult or easy, focus on the moment. How is this done, many might ask? Simple every time a thought comes to your head, dismiss it or watch it go by like a cloud.

There is formal and informal practice. Formal practice is sitting on a meditation cushion and practicing meditation, otherwise known as clearing the mind.

Meditation is unique. It can be effortless or tough. There are days when it is easy. It was usually the days I wasn’t thinking about anything, and nothing was bothering me. Over the years, I noticed my life becoming uncluttered and having a purpose.

There is also the spiritual study of zen buddhism. The eightfold path to Nirvana includes eight steps they are Right Understanding, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration.

It helped with a lot of conflict at work and in life. The study of wisdom allowed me to see things clearer and with a better perspective. The zen Buddhist path is a simple path that will leave one mystified and impressed. Looking back, it was the right choice for my spiritual needs. And it left me more fulfilled and relaxed about life.

The Advantages of Practicing Meditation

Adam Leave a comment

I ventured to study Zen meditation and martial arts at about nineteen. I wanted to practice martial arts, so I visited the small forest temple in Middletown, Connecticut.

When I entered the room, they were sitting on meditation cushions in a cross-legged position. I thought to myself they were crazy. I silently asked them what are you doing? They said they were meditating and asked me to join them. I was unaware of it then, but my life was in horrible shape. I was young, so I decided sure I’ll try it. What do I have to lose? My life sucks anyway, I thought to myself.

The instructions were to count from 1 to 5 on the inhale and 1 to 10 on the exhale. Any thought that came to mind, The instructor said to dismiss it. The bell rang, and the instructor stated, “We are going to meditate for thirty minutes.”

I was very uncomfortable sitting cross-legged. It was a struggle. The thoughts kept coming, and I kept losing track of what number I was on counting in what seemed like hours of meditation. Then after 30 minutes, the bell rang DING. I opened my eyes, felt good, and was amazed at how relaxed I was.

I noticed my life become more acceptable. I did not know how, but it did. I went every week for about six months. Suddenly, I was a lot happier and landed a job in the corporate world. Sometimes I would have what I called good meditations which the whole thirty minutes. I wouldn’t have a single thought interfere with my meditation. Sometimes the exact opposite would happen where I couldn’t stop my mind from racing with thoughts.

The benefits of mediation are genuinely incredible. For one, it helped me focus on my goals and objectives. It also gave me an introspective look at my mind. I processed and analyzed my traumas and mistakes more precisely and with a better perspective.

It helped me stay come and relaxed during stressful situations. Make clearer decisions. It also helped me with my mental health and how I perceived it. It made me wiser and more complete.

There was also the practice of Zen Buddhism that came with my method of meditation. Which at the time gave me direction and a way to act and behave in the world. It was and is a genuinely fantastic experience practicing mediation.

Different types of meditation

Adam Leave a comment

Why should I meditate?

There are many different forms and styles of meditation. Many paths lead to the same point. Over the years, I meditated regularly. I found myself completing more tasks, and my life was very organized. I was more focused. Here are some ways of meditation that everyone should be familiar with.

The traditional meditation style

The traditional meditation style comes from the Korean zen or son tradition. Sit in the lotus potion(as pictured above), keep your back straight, and begin counting from one to five on the inhale and one to five on the exhale. Any thoughts that come to your mind, come back to counting in your mind don’t beat yourself up for getting distracted and wandering off. Come back to counting. Begin with simply ten minutes of meditation and increase over time.

Indian traditional meditation 

Another way of meditation is to watch your thoughts go by without attaching or clinging to them. Watch your thoughts go by as if they are clouds in the sky. Just watch them float by. This way is a less effortless way of meditation than above. You may also fall asleep, which is fine. Sometimes you need rest.

Guided meditations

The third way I discovered helped me recover and relax after a stressful day. Guided meditations are audio clips of someone guiding you along with voice to help to relax, usually with some background music. These can be found on youtube by simply typing in guided meditation in the search. There are many different types of guided meditation, so browse and pick the one that attracts you the most.

These three ways should get you started on a healthier and happier life. Meditation has many benefits, including reduced stress, organized thoughts, and a sense of calmness and control. Please let me know in the comments if you have any questions.