Last Updated on July 30, 2024

I have been going back and forth between Zen Buddhist and Christian beliefs for about five years. I would get mad at God whenever something terrible happened and praise myself and my good karma whenever something good happened.

Some days, I think I’m going to heaven. Other days, I’m returning here to be reincarnated as an animal for my wrong actions.

It would happen to me all the time. I could not make up my mind. I grew up Catholic and even went to a Catholic school; however, I never resented with Catholic views.

When I was twenty-one, I became interested in Zen Buddhism through meditation and martial arts. I swore I would be a Zen Buddhist for life.

However, my views didn’t fit in with Buddhism because I always believed there was something greater that was outside of me. I didn’t quite know what it was, but I knew there was something.

I would listen to a program called Unshackled on the radio late at night. It told real stories of people finding God and having him transform their lives.

I would say the prayer at the show’s end to invite God into my heart, and nothing would happen in my life.

I couldn’t understand until the last show I listened to. It was a story about a gentleman who had been unable to accept God into his life for years, even though many people tried to help him. He mentioned it was because of his pride.

That is when it hit me: I couldn’t accept God into my life entirely either because I thought of Jesus as a human being and God as a separate entity.

I couldn’t admit I was wrong to myself and admit Jesus Christ was God in the spirit and a person in the flesh. Jesus Christ is God. My life finally makes sense, and the confusion is gone. My life has finally been transformed.